Personal: Of whys and structures

11:40:00 AM

I always get asked with the question, why?. And I would racked up my brain and come up with a constructed answer. But little did I know that that question was vital. Important in such way, it framed an idea on how I live a part of my life.

There are certain things at the moment that have been stretching my mind, it is restructuring ideas and views of certain aspects that I have been battling with since I made myself a point that my own definition of success is: contributing in nation building.

To go or not to go, is another phrase that have been bothering me since then. It was a reaction to certain details that have been happening in the journey. It is never a question of happiness, I am contented, but to see things that has been veering away from the structured views I am seeing made the walls, that I made and have been protecting me since day one, to slowly crumble.

I love the journey. I love who's in charge, and I love the dedication that everyone is putting in. But what made the whole journey so bumpy, is the inability of who is in front to see the bumps that must be hurdled, slowly. The passengers could see other bumps but is afraid to say to slow down, that it may cause them something so dear in their heart. There is chaos. A violent one. And to pacify it may cause brokenness. And to pick up the pieces means bleeding oneself. As much I would like to speak but it may only hurdle.

I want to come out whole. Battered may be, but in one piece. I see beauty in a structure, and if that structure is slowly falling down, I look up in the sky and ask the same question that have been asked to me, why.

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